Humor Quotes

"Praetorians are an uppity breed."

"Sefi once told me fruit is never sweeter than after you’ve eaten shit.” He peels a tangerine and eats it before spitting it out. “Not ripe yet.” He considers his braves. “They will mourn later. For now it is enough they know their brothers would smile to see them living. So they smile for their brothers, for they had a good death. Later they will miss them. Later they will mourn."

"gifts. Cicero au Votum.” She thrusts forward Cicero on the end of a leash and holds up a rotted head. “And Ajax au Grimmus. The rest of him couldn’t make it."

"So you’re just gonna let that arrogant piece of shit waddle off to the ass-end of space,” Sevro mutters. “He shouldn’t get a happy ending."

"You have a callsign already?” “Red Banshee,” I say. “It’s rude to start a friendship with lies,” he replies. “What is it really? You can be honest with me.” I grimace. “Truffle Pig.” “Oh dear.” A smile creeps across his face. “You really shouldn’t have told me that."

"Really, Dominus Lune. What kind of monster would kill his own mother?"

"I just wanted to see the Reaper in an open field,” he says. “The verdict is in. You’re a menace to savage and civilized alike."

"You kill one terrorist warlord…"

"What a waste of talent. Honestly, it’s like a bad joke. We might be the best three razormasters to share a room in the last sixty years, and it’s a prison! And not one of us was taken in a straight fight."

"My goodmen, it’s uncivilized to do anything but laugh in the face of death. Why do you think I’m always so jaunty these days?"

"What do I say? I say give Truffle Pig her shot. She’s earned it."

"The ranks are best treated like mushrooms: spoiled with shit and kept in the dark."

"It’s the jawline. Isn’t it selfless, really. I take the pressure off everyone else. They don’t have to worry about being the most handsome in the room. They can just be. Ah. Heavy is the chin that sets the bar."

"Bloody brilliant. Volga, man. I mean, awkward as a duck learning to walk at first. She came out in so much gold and jewels and stuff. But then she picked up Fá’s warsaw. Right, and I’m thinking—oh shit, she’s gonna cut her own arm off. But she chopped up Fá’s throne for like five minutes. Then I was thinking—shit, Obsidians love thrones. This is bad. But then, she said the Golds dream of being atop the hierarchy. Ragnar dreamed of breaking it. She gave this speech about how they were all stained. All dirty. So is all their loot, their slaves. Then she tore off the gold, the jewels. The jarls hated that. They love their gold and jewels. But then, man, then she cut off her valor tail. And the jarls were all like, ‘what,’ but the braves went ape. Next thing you know, the braves are ditching all their shiny shit and I’m staring at a sea of pale, bald heads. And the jarls were like, ‘shit, let’s not get beaten to death.’ So off their hair went too."

"Bloodydamn Bellona. The Man Who Killed Fear. Gods we’re gonna hear that song in all the bars when we’re fat and old."