Humor Quotes

"I wouldn’t want Antonia to lead. She’s a bitch"

"Once, I challenged this prancing oaf to a duel for disrespecting my family—an Augustus fop. He was very methodical—tightened his gloves, tied back his pretty hair, swished his razor as he did before every gory practice bout he’s ever had at the Agea Martial Club.” “And?” “And I hooked him and stabbed him through the kneecap while he was still swishing his razor in preparation.” He catches Lea’s disapproval. “What? The duel had begun. I’m foxy, but I’m not a beast. I just win."

"I am a master with metaphor and a rogue with assonance."

"Oooo. I am Reaper. God of wolves. King of strategy.” Mustang pinches my cheek. “You are just too adorable."

"He always thinks because I’m reading, I’m not doing anything. There is no greater plague to an introvert than the extroverted."

"Through the thorns to the stars.” Sevro snickers. “You fancy little fart. Omnis vir lupus.” Everyone a wolf."

"Cacatne ursus in silvis? (Does a bear shit in the woods?)"

"I’m Gold, bitch. What’d you expect? Warm milk and cookies just because I’m pocket-sized?"

"It takes a day to break a city, then fifty years to rebuild,” Mustang snaps. “You want to sign up to oversee the reconstruction?"

"Piss off. I’m not a whiny little bitch like the poet."

"Most call me Bronzie. Students call me Proctor. Some call me Rage Knight. The Sovereign calls me traitor. My son calls me shithead.…” “You are a shithead,” Sevro chimes in. “… My wife called me Fitchner. But the Golds made me Ares."

"I like to think I’m an endangered species."

"They were wrong. Your side isn’t made of stone."

"I said it once. Now I’ll say it twice. If there’s two things in this world that can’t be killed, it’s the fungus under my sack and the Reaper of bloodydamn Mars. Haha!"

"Mickey had your eyes in a cryobox at his joint in Yorkton—creepy place, by the by—when we raided it for supplies to bring back to Tinos to help the Rising. I figured you weren’t usin’ ’em, so…” He shrugs awkwardly. “So I asked if he’d put ’em in. You know. Bring us closer together. Something to remember you by. That’s not so weird, right?"

"Shit escalates"

"This is war, boyo. Murder’s the name of the game. Don’t be sad we’re good at it."

"Your tricks won’t work here, fat little toad man."

"You tell anyone I cried, I’ll find a dead fish, put it in a sock, hide it in your room, and let it putrefy."

"I think the shittiest part about getting old is now we’re smart enough to see the cracks in everything."

"If your heart beats like a drum, and your leg’s a little wet, it’s because the Reaper’s come to collect a little debt."

"The whole place smells like farts."

"Howler Rule 17. Only Pixies shower before battle,” Sevro says. “I like my soldiers savage, stinky, and sexy."

"Roque always did dress up a place. Unfortunately he’s got the taste of a ninety-year-old orchestra first chair."

"Apologies. Deepest apologies. I cannot stop being captured."